Black Rose: Beauty With A Dark Side


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Sorrows, Loves, And Hates...
11.19.04 (7:11 pm)   [edit]
I have forgiven Ktee. I don't see how I could be mad at my best friend like I was but I was rather pissed all around. KTee wrote me a note today and I feel like posting it.

Forgive me not
How can I do this, what have I done? Not only did I hurt myself but I hurt my friends. How could I do this, how could I be so creul. I've hust myself, but worst of all I hurt others. I don't deserve one froend to keep till the end. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I was so creul, Frgive me...forgive me not!
I did not mean to hurt you, please forgive Brian, he didn't do a thing. You will grow up and be successful and happy, but I've allready failed, I hurt a friend, someone I shoule have till the End. I shall live in guilt forever, while you don't feel a thing, but I deserve to die in pain. May all your wishes be granted, may all your dreams come true.
Sincery, Backstabbing Bitch


Thats how close we are. Ktee cryed because I was mad at her. I should be the one to feel bad becuse I was mad at her for a stupid reason.
So Batman (Me) and Robin (Ktee) reunited, we sent Brian a text message. It said:
Bri Bir, what you did was unforgivable. You may not think what we do, butthat was no reason to act the way you did. Right now, we have no feeling for you other than hate. This was not meant to hurt you this is just how we feel. Sicncerly, Katie & Ktee.To which Brian responded:
1st of all ktee is on my side and you couldnt understand that I dont like you!To which I responded:
Ktee & I wrote that together, that is how we feel. You can even ask Ktee if you dont belive me. I don'y know about Ktee, but I am so fucking mad at you that I wouldn't even care if you expressed your undieing love for me, I would just slap you and walk away. I hate you so fucking much right now. And its not because you don't like me, its because of the way you have been treating me.
I hate him so fucking much right now. Hes about to loose 3 of his best friends. I am mad at him and I am his best friend in the world, Ktee my best friend in the world and also Brians's best friend is mad at him, and Kenzie one of our best friends is mad at him. He doesn't even seem to care. I just sent him a text message saying I fucking hate you and he hasn't even responded. I do kind feel sorry for him though cause Ktee said that he told her that he was crying about it last night plus Brian busted his ear drum today. I am so fucking tired of this.

Just one big lie, Such a perfuest illusion, I made you mine, Just to hurt you once agin - The Rasmus: Funeral Song.
 
Alone
11.19.04 (7:09 pm)   [edit]

No one cares. They know my pain. They know my shame. But yet agin they hurt me. And they don't care. They don't even know when I cry. They hear my silent screams. They know what I think. And still, still they hurt me. Over and over agin. They don't love me. They say I'm their best friend. But they don't care.

No one care for me any more. I don't know what to think anymore. I have a boyfriend, who loves me with all his heart, and I have fallen in love with my best friend. Brian brakes all of my dating standards, hes younger than me, goes to my school, ect., and still some how I manage to fall in love with him. I can get any guy I want, and I'm not trying to be concieded, I truthfully have no self-confidence, this is just something I have fount out. I just don't understand him, I can see it when I look into his eyes that he likes me as more than a friend. And yet he holds back and says he doesn't like me.

No one cares! I am so fucking pissed at my two, suposed, best friends in the world. Brian was being a bitch and wanted his hoddie back and I wouldn't let him have it and then he was all like I am tired of this shit and a bunch of other stuff. I fucking got so pissed off I threw his damn hoddie at him and went into the bathroom to cool off. They didn't care. Ktee didn't even show up to see if I was allright and she didn't even care that I was mad at her. No one cares.

"I died in my dreams, what's that supost to mean? I got lost in the fire. I died in my dreams, reaching out for your hand. My fatal desire."- The Rasmus.

 
Meh........
11.18.04 (2:28 pm)   [edit]









How to make a Katie
Ingredients:

1 part jealousy

3 parts ambition

5 parts beauty
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!




">Username: name="uname">


;http://www.go-quiz.com/cockta...">Personality cocktail
From ">Go-Quiz.com>
 
Alone
11.18.04 (2:21 pm)   [edit]

The Tears,  
They just won't come,
This can't be undone,
This is something not even time can erase,
I can't fell the sun,I've become numb,
Why do you lie,
When I can see the truth behind your eyes?

 
How can something be so beautiful and painful at the same time?
10.12.04 (6:57 pm)   [edit]
Sorry people I have to once agin get something off my chest.  I have just, in the past few days, discovered how much I truely love my Michael.  I can't belive I learned to love agin, especially after what happened with Dale.  But the deal with Dale was just an infatuation.  I'm begining to think love is an evil thing.  I miss Michael constantly.  Its like having a rain cloud over my head all the time.  But I love rain.  Its so awsome to be in love and have someone love me back.  I'm letting myself fall agin.  I hope Michael keeps his word and will love me till the day he die, becuse at this point I really need someone who loves me unconditionally.  Michael, I love you!  You are my only one, my reason, and my everything.  And I don't know what I would do without you.
 
God Fucking Damn It
10.05.04 (6:33 pm)   [edit]
Well yesterday I got my bari out and proped it up aginst a chair so I could go get my music stand well it fell over and im pretty shure some one bumped my chair well its really old and beat up so it really wasnt a big deal but mrs trachel still gave me the evil eye well then later when I tryed to play it it wouldnt work so I was all like mrs traschel my saxophone wont work and so she was like mabey that becuse you let it fall off your chair and so that really pissed me off cause my baris old and crappy and so I was kinda muttering death treats under my breath on her head and so she was like do you have somethign to say KAtie and I said I don't think Im the first one to have dropped this saxophone and so she was like I dont think you want to go there with me Katie and so I said people have carved their names into it and so she was like You really dont want to go there with me right now. And so I was liek what do I do? and she said Wait till Mr Ensign is free and he will look at it so then I went with mr ensign and we figured out that it was one of my pinkie keys and one of the pads was out of line which I could not have broken it cause you can make a pad go out of line by  dropping it and plus I dropped it on the wrong side even if you could make it go out of like like that and 2 of my other pads were out of like anyway amnd my octive key was messed up so wewent to go lookm at the other old bari and one of the keys had competely fallen off so he said I could probally play rhe new bari cause I dont have one for a while then today they would let me have it and I was  like why cant I have it and so mrs trachel said it was becuse I wasnt responsible becuse I dropped it once and I didnt even really drop it and it wasnt really my fault and its fucking pissing me off cause theres a perfectly good saxophoen gather dust becuse they wont let me play it even though Im the only bari player in the entire fucking school system plus Im the best saxophone player in the entire school but my band directors still act liek I suck even with my tone cause liek today I went up to mrs traschel and I said my bari music is really easy and she said but you picked bari and you knew it would be eaiser and I said I know Im not complaining but mabey the next peice we play could you find one where the bari part is harder and she was like well since the bari part is so easy you could work more on your tone and I was all like WTF casue when I did solo competition last year the judge said I had really good tone and a really got sax tone and I had some of the best tone and sound he had ever hear and I fgot a 2 and I got every single rythm wrong becuse of mr ensign and its saying something when I can get every single fucking rythm wrong and still got a 2. I Don't Care What The Fuck You Say I Can And Will Play My Saxophone Better Than Anyone Else You Have Ever Or Will Ever Hear.
 
Pep Rally! Fucking Pep Rallys!
09.30.04 (10:54 pm)   [edit]
Today at school we had a pep rally!  Yay!  You must be fucking kidding me.  Normally I am not school spirit-y at all but any chance I get to show off my superier saxophone skills, I will take.  I got to play on my baby, Bob!  I love my bari buit I really miss my baby.  It's really fun to play bari and all but most of the time I have to play stuff with the low brass, which sucks considering their stuff is really easy.  I really miss getting to play the melody all the time.  I kinda feel like my talents are going to waste.  But oh well I had fun playing at the pep ralley.  Play pep band music this year is alot more fun becuse my friend amy has imporved significantly over the summer, although she is not nearly as good as me, she is alot better.  It's cool cause on our pep band songs Amy andI move at exactly the same time so it sounds really cool.  And we both play low woodwinds now so we can play louder with alot better tone.  Yea I know I'm a band geek.  I love music. 
 
Boring shit
09.22.04 (2:38 pm)   [edit]
Sorry for not writing in so long, to those who actually read my blog and to those who are just begining to read my blog (haha like there are any), thansk for joining us.  Anyhow the last time I wrote was like last Thursday (I think) and alot has happened since then.  For one thing I finnaly got to go to the modern art museam and see the Robert Motherwell exibit!  It was awsome, I even got a print, Drunk With Turpinetine No. 2, and a post card thing of one of my favorite paintings (if not my favorite), Seestucke-Welle by Gerhard Richter.  I saw Sky Captian And The World Of Tomorrow, too.  That is an awsome movie, you should go see it.  Go now, go see it!  Lol.  Also my step-dad's best friend, Eric, died and I went to his funeral (well it was really more of a memporial sevivce cause there was no body cause he was cremated cause I think he killed himself).  Everyone acts like its a really distant relation but I knew Eric really well and his daughter, Taylor was one of my best friends.  It hasn't really hit me yet, I still think next time I got to Eric's parents house I will see him.  For that matter I don't think it has really hit Taylor either, she was way too pulled together if you know what I mean.  Also I got to see my mum which was good.  And plus anyday I get to miss school is a good day.  Oh and Mrs. traschel finally put me back by the low brass.  You have no idea how weird it is to be playing bari sax in the middle of the alto sax section, especially when you play most of the same parts as the tuba, lol.  Also (and Brian is gonnahate me for writing this but oh well) Brian has been doubting himself and I spend all afternoon Monday trying to find him a boyfriend.  Well hes got a boyfriend now and his boyfriend is 6 years older than him.  I allways thought i would be the first one to get an allmost petifile boyfriend,lol.  And last but not least I'm still haveing trouble trusting Michael.  I don't know why, I guess I'm just afraid to get hurt agin.
 
Yet Another Life In The Day Of Me
09.14.04 (6:17 pm)   [edit]

Today has been...shall we say fun?  I ran a mile and a half and allmost killed myself in the process.  I had a really bad asthma attack, I couldn't breath barely at all and I couldn't talk, but I walked it off and kept running.  I got a carebear watch!  Lol, my mum bought it for me last night.  My dad had an interview in a town called Malacoaff (I can't spell it), and he picked me up from school at 2:0pm (hell ya, anytime I can miss school is a good time), and we drove all the way out there it took us like three hours both ways (the only good thing about that is I got to listen to my radio station 102.1 The Edge the hole time and try to win Freaker's Ball tickets I want Michael and I to go.  That reminds me I need to go look at their website to look for those tickets), and its decently close to my Mum's house so she drove out and we had dinner together at Applebee's and then we went to Walmart where she bought me my Carebear watch.  Now normally I wouldn't shop at Walmart becuse I belive mass marketing and product placement is brainwashing America and I belive Walmart is spearheading it, but They had Carebear Watches!  One guy that my da knows claim to fame is that he turned down Sam Walton for a loan to start walmart which is really stupid if you think about it.  On well.  I want to go to the Freaker's Ball and want to take Michael with me!  *pouts*  Ok on to other more important things.  I have been drawing abstract art lately.  I keeep just developing talents I never knew I had its weird.  I like my drawings so far though, their all in charcoal on art paper.  Charcoal my art medium of choice.  I have been covered in charcoal since I started drawing though.  I can't get it off my arms.  Oh well.  As soon as I get my hands on some cavas and an eseal I'm going to start painting abstract art too.  My mum is giving me all of her old acrilic paints and paintbrushes so I don't have to buy those which rocks cause we're broke right now.  I wanted to paint in oil but my mum convinced me out of it becuse you have to clean your brushes with paint thinner which after you use it could spontainiously combust at anytime and it takes longer to dry, witch will get on my nerves becuse patience is a virtue I neither value nor posses.  Anyhow thats about all for now, I've got to go blowdry my hair before I go to sleep.  I know its early for me but I culd barely get up this moring.  Last but not least, I changed my name of my blog it is now: The One That Got Away (just in case you couln't read the title I thought I better go ahead and tell you agin).  I feel I must explain the new title (I know you people) or you people might take it the wrong way.  It refers to me not Dale.  I am that one girl you see in the mall or whatever that you fall in love with at first sight but you never say hi too and you spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happenede if you would have justed stopped to say hello.  Also it refers a bit to what Dale did to me and how I am the one that got away from him (not the other way around), how it's his loss not mine, and how he will regret it for the rest of his life.

 
Some survey I stole from ithinkimkiller
09.07.04 (7:52 pm)   [edit]

What is your name? Katie

Where you named after anyone? My greatgreat grandmother I think (my names acctualy Katherine)



What’s your screen name? Dangerousphoenix (yahoo) or dangerousphoenix@hotmail.com (msn messenger)



Would you name your child after you? No I'm thinking more along the lines of Bella Moria 



If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: My mum said Kevin Todd I think, but If I got to choose probaly Edmund or Bartameaus



If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:  No Thank you, Ill stick with my name.



Are there any mispronunciations/typos that people do w/ your name constantly?:  Yes, peopel keep spelling it Katy, insead of Katie.  It's Katie god damn it!



BASICS



Your gender: Female.



Single?: No, I'm taken.



Your birthday?: June 17 , 1990.



Your age: 14



Age you act: I guess around 18 at least thats how old people tell me I look.  Nah, I think I act 14.



Age you wish you were:  I'm good with being 14, thank you.



Your height: 5' 5



Eye color: Percing dark green.



Happy with it?: Hell yea, I love my eyes.



Hair color: Strawberry-bl onde.



Happy with it?: Yes I am, I wouldn't mind haveing black hair though, but I would never dye it.  I am gonna tip it black though.



Lefty/righty/ambidextrous : I can write with both habds although not very well, prodomintly right habded.



Your living arrangement: I live with my dad but I go to see my mum on weekends.



Have any pets?: My cat, Edmund (I love that name can you tell?).



What’s your job?: Being me, I shall be a singer soon though.



Piercings?: Yes, just my ears, once.  I perced them agin myself but my mum made me take them out.  I want my bellibutton percied though.

Tattoos?: No, and I don't think I want one.



Obsessions?: Music, Books, Writting things (my books, poems, songs, ect.), Art, My eyes (they are freaking kool), the internet, my cat, I can't think of anything else at the moment.....



Addictions?:  Tea, books, Herbal Esscences (damn that stuff smells good), water, music, Devo (holy fucking shit once you listen to them you can'y stop, lol), That's all I can think of at the moment....



Do you speak another language?: Not really I can translate some spanish stuff, but I can't read or speak it very well.  I want ot learn to speak french, latin, ittiaian, and spanish (better) though.



Have a favorite quote?:


Cowards die many times before their deaths,
The valiant never taste of death but once.
William Shakespeare
and "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return" someone says that in Moulin Rouge, I don't rember who, though.

Do you have a webpage?: Yes  www.freewebs.com/katie_dumbledore/ http://darknesswillrule.bravehost.com" title="http://darknesswillrule.bravehost.com" target="_blank"http://darknesswillrule.brave...  and this one if it counts as a web page.



DEEP THOUGHTS ABOUT LIFE AND YOU IN IT



Do you live in the moment?: Yes I do.



Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:  Unfortunatly I am not.



Do you have any secrets?:  Hell yea.



Do you hate yourself?:  Mildly sometimes.



Do you like your handwriting?: Yes, yes I do, its rather nice.



Do you have any bad habits?: I bite my finergernails, the dead skin around them (that is rather gross isnt it I need to quit that), I sometimes cut myself, using too much lip gloss or lippy, I have really low self-esteem, and if I get really depressed I won't eat anything for days.  



What is the compliment you get from most people?:  Er...what is this that you speak of?  Lol, lately I have had people calling my beautiful.  (don't belive them it's a trap!  lol) 



If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:  In The Silence Of The Night, I Hear All, The Edge,or I'm gonna steal this from Brian: In The Shadows Of Love, I Speak Of Death.



What's your biggest fear?: Being alone, forever.



Can you sing?: So they tell me, but I'm not shure.  I'm a first soprano though.



Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No, I like myself and if other people don't like it they can kiss my ass.



Are you a loner?: Semi.    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ; 



What are your #1 priorities in life?: Love, Family, My Future, My  Music, and My writings.



Are you a daredevil?: Yes, very.



Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:  Sometimes I fear what I'm gonna do.



Are you passive or agressive?: Agressive, deffinatly.



Do you have a journal?:  You're reading it, bitch.



What is your greatest strength and weakness?:  Strength-I am very independent, I do not let people mess or step on me, I am power-hungry, and I can get anything I want.  Weakness-I sometimes read to much into what people think of me and I don't like being single.



If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: I would make myself skinnier, but I'm not even shure I would do that, I pretty much like the way I am.



Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:  Not starting violin lessons at five liek my mum wanted me too and not staying in ballet lessons like my mum wanted me too.  God if I would have just listened to my mother.



Do you think life has been good so far?:  It's been ok, but I think I still want ot fall madly in love sometime.



What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: To gaurd your heart with your life, to not listen to anyone, and to listen to your mum (about caertian things, not others like your clothes).



What do you like the most about your body?:  My eyes, my skin.



And least?: Thighs.



Are you confident?: In certian things, not in others.



What is the fictional character you are most like?: Artemis Fowl, Albus Dumbledore, Bartimaeus, Gandalf, Galdrieal, and Frodo



DO YOU..



Smoke?:  Hell No!



Do drugs?: Hell Hell No!



Read the newspaper?: Yes, mostly the arts and living section.



Pray?:  Sometimes.



Go to church?: At my mum's house.  I rather like that church.



Talk to strangers who IM you?:  Yes, I look at their profile first, though.



Sleep with stuffed animals?: Yes, my blue elephant.  Sometimes a care bear or two.



Take walks in the rain?: Yes, I love the rain, it clears my mind.



Talk to people even though you hate them?:  No, not really.



Drive?:  Not old enough.



Like to drive fast?: Gaurenteeded.



WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER?



Liked your voice?:  I think I like it, Ive got bronchitus or something right now, though.



Been out of the country?: About one mile over the border into Mexico.



Eaten something that made other people sick?: Er..possibly tofu or anything soy (yummy!), calimari, and sushi (the bit I had wan't that good).



Been in love?: Er...I think I am now.



Done drugs?: Hell No!  And I never will!



Gone skinny dipping?:  No.



Had a medical emergency?: No, I sprang my arm so bad they thought it was broken though and I had an asthma attack so bad my mum wanted to take me to the hospital.  Oh and when I was like eight I had a fever of  like 108.5 but my mum just said the thermometer was broken.



Had surgery?: No and probaly never will.



Ran away from home?: No.  I will when I get older though lol.



Played strip poker?:  No.



Gotten beaten up?:  No.



Beaten someone up?:  Brian, lol.



Been picked on?: Every fucking day of my life.



Been on stage?:  Yes, it is my home.



Slept outdoors?:  Yes.



Pulled an all nighter?:  Yes.



If yes, what is your record?:  Hum lets think...all night!



Gone one day without food?:  Yes, I've gone more than a day.



Talked on the phone all night?:  Only till about three or so.



Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: Erm...no.



Slept all day?: Yes.



Been betrayed?: Hell Yea.



Had a dream that came true?: Yep, quite a few acctually.



Broken the law?: I have mother fucking jay walked!  Oh yea!



Met a famous person?: Do my uncles count?



Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: NO!  I don't think I could live with myself if I did.



On purpose?: NO!!!!!!



Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:  Yes.



Stolen anything?:  I did accadently.  A bracelet fell into one of my shopping bags, it freaked me out for m0nths. 



Been on radio/tv?:  Yes.



Had a nervous breakdown?:  Yes.



Bungee jumped?:  No, i want too, though.



Had a dream that kept coming back?:  I think I've had one come back twice.



BELIEVE IN...



Life on other planets?:  Kindaish.



Miracles?:  Yes, I do.



Astrology?: Yes.



God?: Yes.



Satan?: Yes.



Santa?: YES!!!! Lol, not really, my mum told me the truth a few years ago.  But I belive he is really out there somewhere, trying to figure out how the hell kids got so greedy.



Ghosts?: No.



Luck?:  Yes-ish.



Love at first sigt?:  I think so.



Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:  Yes.  Everyone's got a bit of good and bad in them no matter how deep it's buried.



Witches?:  Yes, I am one!  Muhahahahaha!  Lol, not really.



Easter bunny?:  Yes!  Agin lol not really.  Bunnies are cute though.



Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:  Yes. I hope Michael and I can remain that way.



Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:  YES!  I am gaurding it.



FRIENDS



Do you have any gay/ lesbian friends?:  Yes.



Who is/are your best friend(s)?: Jamie, Michael, Brian, Ktee, Heather, Della (whom I haven't talked to in forever), and DarkFalme.



Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Probally Jamie.  Mabey Michael.



Your favorite inside joke?:   When I rule the world.....or why don't you go fuck yourself?  Well mabey I will.



Thing you're picked on most about?: How I look or how I act.



Who's your longest known friend?: Erm.....At this point probally....that one girl Megan, but I haven't talked to her in ages.



Newest?:  Taylor.



Shyest?:  Heather or Taylor untill you get to know them.



Funniest?:  Brian or Jamie.



Sweetest?:  Heather or Michael (well he's at least sweet to me).



Closest?:  Jamie or Brian.  Possibly Michael.  Or DarkFlame.



Weirdest?: Kenzie, without a doubt.



Smartest?:  Hehe ME?



Most Original: Brian, I swear he is fucking weird!



Ditziest?: Heather.



Most like me?: Jamie.



Friends you miss being close to the most?:  In distance Jame or Michael.  In terms of emotions probally Angela.



Last person you talked to online?: Meredeth



Who do you talk to most online?:  Jamie, Michael, or Adam.



Who do you trust most?:  Jamie, Brian or Michael.



Who listens to your problems?:  Jamie, Sometimes Brian or Michael.



Who do you fight most with?:  Brian but just messing around.



Who's the nicest?:  Heather as long as you don't piss her off, them damn stay clear.



Who's the most outgoing?:   Me or Brian.




Who's the best singer?: Jamie, Heather, Ktee, Shulee, Brian, or mabey on an off chance, Me.



Do you always feel understood?:  Not really.



Who's the loudest friend?:  Jmaie, Brian or Me!



Do you trust others easily?:   No, not at all.



Who's house were you last at?:   My mum's.



Do your friends know you?:  Decently well.



Friend that lives farthest away: Jamie or Michael. 



THE LOVE LIFE SECTION



Are you single?:  Nope, I'm taken thank you.



What is your bf/gf's name?: Michael.



How long have you been going out?: Since last sunday, I think.  I don't know I was sick at the time.  Wait yes last Sunday.



Do you like this person?:  Yes, that would be why I'm going out with him.



Are you deeply committed to them?:  Yes, In fact I am.



So you consider it cheating if you browse but don’t take any action?: In certian curciumstances yes, in others no.



AT YOUR WEDDING...



Where is it?:  Where ever I am when I get the urdge.



Flowers?: Roses or lilys. 



Gift Registry?: Target, Dillards, Neiman Marcus, Bed Bath abd Beyond, If any.  I think I would rather elope.



Do you want to be wed in a church?:  I think Iwould rather elope, but I still want to wear a gown andmy guy to wear a tux.



What color will the bridal party be?: Lavender,If I have one.



Bride's gown?: Very Beautiful.



Groom's suit?: A very nice tux.



Music?: String quartet and piano.



WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...



You wanted to kill?:  DALE!



That you laughed at?:  Michael.



That laughed at you?:  Michael.



To ask you out?: Michael.



To brighten up your day?:  Michael.



You saw a movie with?: My Mum



You talked to on the phone: Michael.



You talked to through IM/ICQ?:  I'm talking to Adam right now.



You saw?: My dad and Edmund.



RIGHT THIS MOMENT...



Are you going out?: Er...Im about to go to sleep it's way past my bed time.



What are you wearing right now?:  My pink (ish) Pjs



What are you worried about right now?:  Nothing really.



What book are you reading?:  Jane Erye



What's on your mousepad?:  The DELL logo.



Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Sleepy, sick, achy, tired, thirsty.



Are you tired?:  Yes, its allmost midnight.



Are you talking to anyone online?: How many times are you gonna fucking ask me that?  Yes, I am talking to Adam.



Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:  No.



Are you listening to music?:  No, I'm trying to be silent so as to not wake my father.

 
My Day
09.07.04 (6:24 pm)   [edit]
Today was boring.  I didn't go to school becuse I'm sick.  I think I've got bronchitus (agin).  I woke up at seven and then went back to sleep from eight to noon.  I did get to talk to Michael on the net.  We met up on gaia and had a little "fun" (lol we only made out), my thread is so dead if a mod reads what we wrote, but oh well.  It was fun.  I got to talk to Michael a little on the phone tonight too, but he had to get off pretty quick becuse he has to get up early in the morning.  But for the first time Michael said I love you before he got off the phone with me (his sister kinda made him), and I of course responded I love you too.  In other news I started writing a new book.  It's loosley based off of my vampire bar on gaia and the main character will be me (Elizabeth), Michael (Edmund), and Darkflame (I haven't got your name yet but if you read this talk to me on your msnm about it).  I think it will be pretty good, Ive allmost gotten a padge written, in size 12 font lol.  I cut a bit of my banges (my banges are very long they go down to the base of my neck) off so I have a short bit of hair on the left side of my face now.  I think it looks pretty cute.  Now I just gotta wait for the rest of my hair to grow, its still pretty short (only about two inches past my collar bone), so I can tip it in black.  I want it to be about to my midback or longer.
 
.........I Have No Idea
09.06.04 (6:17 pm)   [edit]
Today has been boring, all I did was drive back to my dad's house from my mum's house.  And to add to the fun of it all I have a cold, and I am absoutly misrable.  I went to sleep last night at two and I woke up today at two, and I am still tired.  At least one of my favorite songs just came on the radio, Slither by Velvet Revolver.  Nothing interesting really happened this weekend, well exept one thing.  I got hit on by a guy that was like forty.  Everyone tells me I look about eightteen and apparently fourty-year-old guys like eightteen-year-olds too.  What the fuck I am 14!!  I didn't even relise he was hitting on me till my mum told me he was, cause I figured he was way to old to be hitting on me.  All he said was "Smile it's not the end of the world, or is it", but apparently according to my mum   I looked like his "type" cause as my mum said I looked like a biker babe, apparently.  It's still freaking me out, but oh well.  I have a new boyfriend now, though!  Michael finally asked me out.  It was kinda funny cause his sister wanted to talk to me and she ended up making Michael ask me out.  Michael is really cool, As I said before I think I'm falling for him.  I know he loves me and I think I love him too.
 
Songs, Song Writing And Things Of The Sort.
09.03.04 (7:33 am)   [edit]
I have recently developed the talent for writing songs, and if I get enough requests I will post a song.  So if you want to read one leave me a comment.  Unfortunatly most of my songs were written before Dale broke up with me so all but two are about him, but they are all pretty good, if I do say so myself.  But at least I get to write an infamous brake up song now, lol.  Mabey I'll be back to writing love songs soon....
 
I'm Back, Bitch!
09.03.04 (7:29 am)   [edit]
Sorry that I havn't written in so long, my father cancelled the internet access at my house.  But I am back as you can see to amuse those who like my thoughts and torment those whom I hate.  Alot has happen since I last wrote and I will fill you in.  Firstly I am back at my fathers house.  I started school on August the 16TH and I hate school.  On the first day of school alone I got called a goth 4 fucking times.  Since then people will not leave me bloody well alone about my clothes, one idiot at my school even said "Your a slut, Katie.  Wait your not a slut cause no guy would ever take you."  I am fucking tired of it.  Next my father and I might move becuse the gay school where I go only offers one ap class (the one ap class they have is Algebra 1 and I allready know all or it exept for two or so things and the ap class I really need to be in is English I should probaly be in a tenth or so grade English class).  Next off I have been getting an asthma attack allmost everyday becuse I am running miles and such in athletics (at my school in order to play basketball you have to make a mile in a certian time 8 mins. and thirty secs. in our case).  Coach has been having us run a mile every day exept monday, I think, and the only day I could run a full mile was tuesday (half of it was walking at that) and I got a time of 12 mins and 45 secs (to my extreme embassasment I think that is the worst I have ever done), then on wenday I could only run a half mile, and then I had a really bad asthma attack and then today I couldn't run one at all becuse my stomache hurt to bad (from not eating for two days) and for other reasons.  I hope I can run tomorrow cause or else people will start making fun of me and such.  Most everyone doesnt belive me that I have asthma cause I didn't have it last year (just like they didn't belive me about my bronchitus, which ironicly is what started my asthma up agin cause I had it from about the time I was one and then I got over it).  And lastly Dale broke up with me, the bastard.  I do not feel like saying much about it cause the blow is still fresh but just a few hightlights (I will tell you the hole story later) He was cheating on me for two weeks and got engaged to someone else, whom is just a replacement of me (he went out and tryed to find someone as close to me as he could, or at least from what he said about he and what she said about herself, yes I was talking to the bitch at the time of Dale braking up with me and didn't know it, becuse he missed me so), He blamed it all on me becuse I didnt talk to him for a month but I sent him an email telling him that I didnt have internet access which he didnt get, and if I would have emialed him we would probaly still be going out and to top it all off he said he never really loved me and our hole relationship was in rp, when I have never one in my life rped with him.  Bt you know what screw it because I thought he was gonna be the one I was going to marry and I'm glad I know know what a slimy git he is so I didn't get myself into something more serious.  The good thing is he is going to try and get me a record deal, so I guess some good did come out of this.  I feel so used because before we were an item he would talk to me every night, trying to get my affection, then when he had me he would never talk to me, and now he blames our hole brake up on me even though he has done the same thing to me millions of times.  I'm not even shure if I really loved him or if it was just an infatuation.  Anyway I talked to Michael today, hes still madly in love with me, for who I am, and he is gonna brake up with his current gaia girlfriend for me, so I will probaly go out with him, allthough it will take me a long time to learn to love and trust him especially after what that bastard Dale did to me, but I think it will work out in the long run.  He allready mentioned marrage (no he did not propose! how dare you think that, were not even going put yet!) so I know he really loves me, and he said he would call me tonight (yea I gave him my cell number).  I hope he calls soon I allready miss him and I just talked to him an hour ago.  I think I'm starting to fall for him...I might accualy let myself fall in love agin, what bliss will that be?
 
When My Life Started
08.09.04 (11:09 pm)   [edit]
I'm just sitting here listeing to my favorite song, Ocean Avenue, and I decided to write out the history of and I's relationship.  It all started when sometime last Febuary Dale and I met rather by chance in a Harry Potter chatroom (don't ask), we talked for a little while and ended up adding eachother to our contacts lists.  The second time we talk it was...shall we say awsome.  I relized that I loved him, so of course, I told him.  He loved me too, but we didn't start going out.  For the next few months we talked alot but we just never were a couple.  Then in May I decided I couldn't stand loving him so much and not having him be mine anymore.  I didn't talk to Dale for all of May and I was really starting to doubt our relationship.  I started kinda likeing some a guy at my school but I never wanted to go out with him, I wanted Dale.  In June I went off to band camp and I was seriousy doubting everthing.  I allmost ended up asking one of my friends to the dance, but I couldn't.  I just couldn't be with someone else when I loved Dale so much.  When I came home from band camp I finally got to talk to Dale.  Come to find out it had been my descision, if I wanted to go out with him, the hole time.  he had wanted to go out that hole time.  You have no idea how happy I was that day.  That was June 3RD.  Since then I haven't gotten to talk to Dale as much as I would like, I didn't get to talk to him for more than three weeks in July, but other than that this has been bliss.  The only request I have now is to be able to see Dale, and hopefull he will be here soon.
 
What I Did Today
08.08.04 (8:40 pm)   [edit]
I had a fun day today!  First I got up at 8:30 and went to church for class.  Then my mum and I drove to Dallas to drop off my little cousin Natialie, who had spent the week with us.  We went to North Park mall (I think), and ate at P. F. Chang's, the best chinese resuraunt in at least the Dallas/Fort Worth area if not the entire state.  Then after we were finished eating, and my aunt, her boyfriend, and natalie headed back to Oklahoma (the half state), my mum and I decided to wander around the mall.  That mall is where all the rich people shop, and my mum and I are no where near rich.  I hate this its not fair that my mum and I are not rich.  We have such refined tastes and are so talented in so many ways.  It is just horrible to see my mum find something she really wants and her not be able to afford it, especially after all she did for me when I was little.  She really deserves to have money, shes an awsome mother.  So the hole time were walking around the mall I have this horrid stomache ache (when I get really sad or nervous or something it makes my stomache hurt) becuse I want to be able to treat my mum to stuff.  Anyways after that we went to half price books and stayed there for like an hour.  I swear my mum and I are addicted, we read all the time and wer'e allways buying more books.  But due to the fact that we read so much we buy most of our books at half price books cause they sell used books at half price.  Which is good cause we buy so many books, at this point we've got around 5000 books.  My mum and I bought so many books I could barley carry them all.  I got Jane Erie, some other books I can't rember, and my Yellowcard CD, Finally!  After we bought the books, my mum and I got a snack at the little coffe shop in half price books.  We both got chai ice teas, I got a baliey's irish cream choclate truffle (yum!) and my mum got this white cholate razberry cake thing.  After that we wnet to Mervan's to return some flip flops and I got the cutest flip flops.  There red and black and there are black rubber spikes on the straps.  My mum says they are scary, especially witht he outfit I was wearing: a black skirt with yellow poka dots, a black shirt with yellow ribbons down the sides, and a yellow fishnet shirt underneath (haha my fishnet shirt has holes in the sleves for me to stick my thumbs through).  After that we drove home.  I had a really fun time in the car just talking to my mum.  We had a conversation about what I want to do with my life and right then I made my resolution: to become a singer.   I know I can make it I will do whatever it takes, and when I put my mind to it to get something I will get it.  It's been my dream since I was little to become a singer and now I'm gonna do it.  I had a little cry in the car cause Ive had all these pent up emotions since I was little cause I allways thought both my parents didnt care, but come to find out my mum has wanted to put me in voice lessons for a  few years now.  So now my mum is looking into voice lessons to try to find the best ones in this area and I am gonna start chior this year.  Look for me on MTV and Fuse cause I will be there soon.
 
Perfection
08.07.04 (9:35 pm)   [edit]

This is the zodiac compadability thing (Dale rember this?) I got off of msn for Dale and I:






Aquarius & Gemini






The Aquarian ability to devote body and soul to the cause of justice attracts the respect and love of the Gemini, who will vie to conquer this rare love. Once the two Air signs are united, they will merge into a shared pleasure in action, excitement, and rebellion against stuffy conventions. Together, they believe life gives them the right to freedom and independence. Nothing stops or separates them. Friends as well as lovers, they will unite their souls in making their life into a masterpiece, a great and exciting adventure.


Even the zodiac says were perfect for each other!
 
Just A Thought
08.07.04 (8:12 pm)   [edit]
I was sitting in a reatraunt today just letting my mind wander as I allways do when I'm bored and I can to a relization.  This Febuary my boyfriend, my Dale, will be 18.  Dale will be an adult and I, at 15 (In June), will still be a kid.  God, how I hope Dale doesn't leave me for someone older.  I don't know what I would do without him.  I mean our age diffrence is not that much, only three years, but I worry that eventualy my Dale will decide he wants to date someone his own age.  But we've been in love for so long, since Febuary (thats 7 months, damn I didnt relize we had been in love that long), and I don't see why either of us would want to throw that away, but I still worry.  Another thing people allways act like I'm a slut anytime I tell people how much older Dale is than I, well Ive only told a few people, its not that bloody big of a deal its only three years.  Sorry it annoys me.  Thats all I've got for the moment.  I love ya baby and I miss you!
 
Bored? Why yes, I am
08.07.04 (2:11 pm)   [edit]
I feel like writing in my blog but I dont know what to write so I'm just gonna fill you people in on whats been happening in my life.  First off school starts for me on the 16TH.  Hopefully I'll get to see Dale before then.  I havent talked to Dale in 4 days agin.  I might not have internet when I get back to my dad's house, so I wont be able to talk to Dale or post any new blogs which is gonna drive me crazy.  The only good thing about school startng is that im gonna be able to see my few good friends agin.  Dale said he might be in Dallas next week.  I hope he is, that would make me so happy.  Other than that I have had a really bad string of health lately, I have been diagonsed with asthma and I have been haveing attacks, and I have four cavities (wich are not my fault cause i have grooves in my teeth).  Hum...thats all for now.  By the way  stole this blog title from my little bother,lol.
 
In The Silence Of The Night
08.05.04 (9:21 pm)   [edit]

In the silence of the night, I hear all, I see all, I know all.

 
It's Out Of My Hands
08.05.04 (8:14 pm)   [edit]
I feel really bad right now for my best friend, Brian, becuse he is madly in love with this girl and he can't go see her or talk to her.  I mean I know its really not any of my buisness but Brian is my best friend and I just feel that I should be able to do something for him.  I mean I've allways been a bit protective of him cause hes like my little brother, and I allways try to fix his problems if I can and I have pretty much succeded untill now.  Look Brain I know you are probaly reading this so I will give you my advice on this problem, cause I know how you feel, try to call her agin and tell her how you feel and untill then listen to some good songs, my recomendation: Wiskey Lulaby (lol I know you love that song) and Linkin Park (I dont know it makes me feel better sometimes), and I know this sounds really stupid but it will hurt less over time.
 
I Can't Get You Out Of My Head.
08.04.04 (9:01 pm)   [edit]
I can't get you out of my head.  You're all I think about, you're all I dream about.  When I'm talking to you, I wish I was with you, and when I'm not talking to you I wish I was.  Everything I do I think of how much better it would be if you were here.  My every thought is centered on you.  This is torture.  I want to talk to you every moment of everyday, but I can't.  I want to see you.  I can't wait another second, I want you here with me or I want to be there with you.  I don't care where as long as we're together.
 
It all comes back to you
08.04.04 (10:52 am)   [edit]

I'm falling,
I can feel the wind rusing past my face,
I'm falling,
Falling agin to that place,
The place where I'm all alone,
Traped inside my head,
With nothing to do but sit and think,
Of all the things I've done wrong,
Of all my mistakes,
Of you,
It all comes back to you,
I can't stop thinking about you,
Sometimes I want to just forget about you,
And go on with my life,
Becuse I miss you so...
I long to be able to see you,
To hear your voice,
To just be able to fall asleep in your arms,
And then I relise,
I could never forget you,
I could never leave you,
Becuse sometimes your the only thing keeping me alive,
And then I relise I'm not falling I'm floating.

 
When I Rule The World...
08.03.04 (11:25 pm)   [edit]

Due to my recent raising of spirts I have decided to write down one of my best friend Jamie and I's longest running jokes:  When I rule the world.


Oks first things first this is how the order of power goes-


Empress-Me, Right hand man/Emperor-Dale (yes baby, you have a place in all of this), Left hand personage/Dutchess-Jamie


Ok next our plans when we rule the world-


First things first we must kill Hilary Duff, then all the whores, pimps, sluts, preps, stupid people and some other people I cant rember....


Oh I'll update this later I'm too tired right now (ironic isn't it?) I normally work better at night but I just feel bad to day so I will finish this tomorrow.

 
My day
08.03.04 (11:00 pm)   [edit]
God this rocks!  I woke up this moring and I couldn't stop smiling.  I mean countinusly smiling, I think it worried my Mum cause she was looking at me funny as I munched on my biscuts and drank my grape juice (yes grape juice, I wont drink soft drinks cause they may cause throught cancer and I'm not taking any chances with my voice, I've allready got asthma and I dont need throught cancer on top of that).  Then in the middle of my shower I realised, I was supost to on my computer at 10 this morning to talk to Dale, shit.  The one morning my little cousin decides to sleep in...  So I didn't get on the computer till 11 and of course Dale wasn't on (alas, he probaly wandered off to do something else).  That was just the begining of the continous downfall of my day.  Then after that my Mum and I got in a huge fight.  Lovely.  Not a good thing considering I'm gonna be at my mum's house till next Tuesday.  I might be able to leave soon if one of my friends decides to fly and see me...  but then after that I got sick and my Mum decided that I still needed to go work out becuse it would make me feel better.  So, I thought I'd try it anything to make me feel better.  I got on a tread mill and sprinted a half mile, wich norally would just make me a bit winded.  Then my personal trainer came and got my Mum and I and I felt so bad I was about to cry and apparently that did't get the point across to my Mum that I wanted to go home.  God I never cry how more obvious can it get that I want to go home?  So after an hour of hell we finanally went home.  I went to sleep at about 4:30 and didn't  wake up till 9:30.  But you know what?  I'm still blissfully happy cause I got to talk to my boyfriend after three long weeks, on our two month aniversiry too. 
 
The tears, They just won't come, This can't be undone, I can't feel the sun,I've become numb, Why do you lie, When I can see the truth behind your eyes?